I miss you SOooooooooooooo Much!

Missing you!

Missing you SO much…

It had been so long I have never seen you~
Though I know it is impossible to have this dream comes true
But today, yes, on today itself, finally I saw you…

You look the same, the same as you live in my sweetest memory
You still very much smiling at me
You still have the passion towards your work, burning passion
Though you seem not fit to do all these…

I was looking at you, asking you how are you
And suddenly blood flooded my vision…
Are you still there?
Where are you?

My dear grandpa, I miss you so much!!!
But I can now only see you in my dream – just like today~


I MISS YOU!

New Excitement = New Fear and Challenges, New Confusion

A mixture of feelings…
What am I looking for?
Am I confused?
I do not know.
I do not know…

The first step is already a fault. Yet, I just cannot resist to attempt for the second one though I distinctly understand that this is something against my own principle and own morality. I do know that this is an ugly, dark secret that will only silently creep out when the night is so quite, when there is no one there to notice, when I am not to be noticed…

You say it is nothing but just friendship. I feel more than that. I feel more because your words are sending out a different signal. Or is that my brain, my brain that has interpreted it differently as to be more than just … friendship? What do you mean by secret line? What do you mean by sweet? What do you mean by dear? What do you mean by miss? What do you mean by I have mistaken you?

I am scare. This is too secretive until I cannot take it. But I miss it. I miss what is happening. It’s a new excitement. But I understand it’s a red light excitement that if I continue with this immaturity, I will burn myself with the fire of excitement! Burnt to death!

I HATE it!

I want to STOP it!

MATURITY needs to be present in all excitement, in all dark secret and silent decision…

Spoil NO one, spoil No feelings, I CAN DO IT!

I am who I am

Thanks to your harsh way
Thanks to your egoism...

Now that I have a chance to practice forgivenss
To practice open-mindedness
To practice acceptance of own mistakes...

Thanks to your cold, humanless feeling
Thanks to your inconsideration...

Now that I have better understood who I am
Better understood that my heart is too soft for a world full of inconsideration and masking images

I am stronger now
As I understand myself better now - when one turns anger into forgivenss
The feeling is absolutely peaceful~
This is what a human like me is looking for
Again~ Thanks to your piercing words that send me a grade higher, that make me realize about the cruelty of this world!
^p^

falsing imagery!

What a shocking fact to be surfaced -- that a person can pretend to be nothing happen in front of you, but actually she is taking all your words into her revengeful thought and by using the sword of words to stab you from nowhere!

Well, since this is what happening, remember, carpricorn is not someone who can sit still and be peacefully taken over, one day you will pay for it...

Since there is not easy to accept own flaws, I will not waste my time trying to get my feelings to be shown in front of you~ because now that I know you are too shallow in taking other's comment and that you are really negatively sensitive ~

Anyway, be as happy as I would be and God knows egosim will not set you far from where you are now~

~Miserable victory hunger soul~

It was not long before I managed to find out whom, someone I trusted and adored was actually a victory hunger soul that will manipulate any miserable and unethical techniques in winning over her friends ... what a truely disappointing fact to be surfaced right in front of me.

No doubt, to have the fighting spirit in winning is good, but to win in an unacceptable way through dirty techniques as well as unwelcomed invasion, plus the over confident reasons to suppport own wrong judgement is totally unaccpetable, and I would not consider such a victory as glory, but rather a false imagery of fooling the audience!

What a fake, contradicting manners that mask the true self of a gobblin! Hate Pretentious! Hate when the urge of winning prirotize everything in life, including the precious relationship and own self morality!

16-8-2008

MaKe-Up, SuRpRisE!

4/11/07 (Sunday)

Indeed the power of make-up is prevailing!

Though it is not the first time I went for the professional make-up session in conjunction with certain special occasions, but this is the first time I experience the real power of make-up!

Guess what? I got this free make-over by buying the product of CRES and it is absolutely marvelous! Spending less than half an hour, I was transformed into a brand new look, with the new hairdo and the gorgeous make-up. Looking through the mirror, even me myself couldn’t get my eyes away from the flawless image that forms in it. Well, sounds exaggerated? Perhaps, others my think that I’m boosting myself, in fact, I’m not. I consciously know that there are lots of beauties out there. But for me, who just has a normal look and with rare experience in make-up, this new look is really “breath-taking”! Ha!

A big thank to the professional make-up and CRES! It was really a remarkable experience walking around with the fantastic new look!

~* I shall bravo for that particular make-up *~

The non academic stuff -- SuRpRisE ~ A nEw DiScOvErY !

3/11/2007 (Saturday)

A sunny day.

Happily, I marched through my way to a nearby florist shop at about 12 noon, after stepping out from the chinese restaurant near the wet market, where I had satisfied my appetite after an hour, hungry journey from KL to Seremban.

To my surprise, I encountered a friendly, familiar face. Stunned, I stopped and cleared my vision to make sure that I'm correct... Oh yes, guess what? Haha, I met Ms. Chin in Seremban!

I did not think that she noticed me at first until I approached her and greeted her...A short chat burst between two of us and from that, I know that she is from Seremban. Hey, Jeremy, have you ever met Ms. Chin before since both of you are from the same hometown? Hehe...

Well, a short encouter yet a long happy day. It was really nice to meet you there, Ms. Chin...

~~ Just sometimes, expect the unexpected *p* ~~